fiery godfather

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i’m a favourite godfather to my friends’ and family’s children.

not that i mean the children prefer me to the others who have committed to be their second parents, i mean my friends and family like assigning me this task.

living a life of a gay man is not exactly an automatic indication of street cred when it comes to rearing or nurturing a child. i would think, normally, that it will be otherwise.

i wonder if they think, that being gay,i should be more feminine and thus share the mothering instincts of women?

or worse, they choose me because of the illusion of pink money - gays, imminently successful and usually without the financial burden of parenting, have disposable income to throw around?

a friend, to whom i shared these thoughts, said that they are not intending to die soon – thus nullifying the need for me to step in as a parent in the foreseeable future. she said my value as godfather is really all about the life skills i can impart my godchildren. i nodded in quiet contemplation, as if indicating my satisfaction to her explanation - all the while thinking that the value of my impeccable taste in shoes will probably only kick in if the little critters grow up to share my passion for footwear.

jp, recovering from a flu was feeling surly the other day and asked me (after the nth similar function i said we had to attend), ‘shall we have a schedule of things they have to attend for us, then?’

while i put it to the fact that he is not feeling well, there’s the issue of consistent obligation to celebrate the milestones of the friends and family’s life. and the lion-share of these entails their children. birthdays, recognition days, graduations, proms and every imaginable rites of passage. while i do this without question for my family and friends’ children, i can hardly expect them to celebrate the acquisition of a new pair of shoes, a new job or my dog’s successful castration. what do they have to celebrate for me then?

i wonder if this anxiety hits home now because i am in my mid-life without securing my progeny.

do biological clocks tick for gay men the same way it does for women?

after days of mulling over these thoughts, i decided this: my family and friends are compensating for the fact that my life choices led me to this childless existence. they all say parenting is one of the most fulfilling things you will do in your life. i would like to think, that it is their concern over the fact that i might be missing out on this experience that they wish to share with me even a fraction of what it might be like.

or so i tell myself.

but that will do for now.

tomorrow, is my good friend m’s child’s baptism. i think i might be one of the godfathers again. i’m deciding on the appropriate outfit to wear.

while i may not be a father, i’m going to do my damnest best to be the hottest godfather.