Sunday, February 21, 2010

party of friends

most people party with friends.

but is it possible to become friends just because you meet in parties?



last weekend G (yet again) threw one of his fab gay parties. and like many of his parties before, it was filled with wonderful, interesting and beautiful people.

as i mingled with the guests i realised that there was a set of people without whom the party would not be complete. a set of 'usual suspects' if you like. many of these usual suspects i have spent some time talking to while dancing, while posing for a picture, while smoking in the corridor. and it dawned on me that i know some really intimate details about many of them - their insecurities, lost and secret loves, relationship neuroses, HIV status - the list goes on.

and yet despite this seeming intimacy, i doubt whether they will call on me if any of them is in trouble. more telling, i know i wouldn't.

at this point you might be asking, what is the point?

to tell you the truth, i really don't know. except that i don't usually want to know about someone else's life unless i'm intending to be part of it. and the unfamiliar situation makes me feel - phony.

my friend id with the usual brand of merciless wisdom tells me (and i am paraphrasing here) - 'friendship taxes our time, our emotions, our life. we can only really have a finite amount of these to give. ergo, a finite amount of friends.'

is this true? have i reached my share of friends that i have been rendered friendship-challenged?

that party, j (a cute and unavailable guy) told me in front of his bf, 'i missed you.' i rolled my eyes thinking we only really met 2 times before - all in a party setting. he's really sweet. but 'miss'? really? so i said with the sweetest smile i can muster, 'i didn't.'

OK - bitch, maybe. but not a phony.

maybe i cannot invest as much to new friends as i usually do to old friends. but maybe this is OK. after all, dancing and drinking and dressing up are all like pizza. with good friends they're fantastic. with others, less so - but pretty damn good nonetheless.

16 comments:

line of flight said...

hahaha. i always thought it was the ecstasy that made them act that way, but its reassuring to know that such states exist without drug inducement.

Anonymous said...

levels lang ang friendship... and yeah, they were beautiful... :D -jericho-

pot session said...

Heard that. Didn't know what to make of it either. It’s ok though when you 'bitch' because it's not uncharacteristic of you to not say what u mean. You can pull off that attitude naman while some can't so they sleep early. :)

kiel estrella said...

@ lof - no drugs necessary. i swear.

@ echo - i brought an irish friend to the latest party and he thought there were a lot of good looking guys. i said - well there's only one criteria for the guest list...

@ pot - parang sinasabi mo na bitch ako?! you're supposed to say, no kiel, you are not! nag-eaves drop ka ha?!

wanderingcommuter said...

call me idealistic, but for me investing for friends is always a win win thing. as long as your intentions are always clear to them...

kawadjan said...

Only a diva like you can get away with this post, love.

kiel estrella said...

@ wc - oo naman. but i think the problematique revolves around the situation where i feel i have nothing more to invest.

@ kawadjan - (in my best celia rodrigues voice) whatever do you mean, my dear?

Manech said...

I have reached a similar conclusion. I feel as if I already have all the friends I need, people who I truly want to be with.

line of flight said...

in the schizo-capitalist world, the danger of the archetype of relating is that when the relating is over, we are bitter or worse, blame the other person or ourself! just look at wc last blog about love.

id said...

speechless...

kiel estrella said...

@ manech - harsh. ako question pa lang, ikaw conclusion na...

@ lof - di na nga ako maka-relate, eh.

@ id - i don't believe you are capable of being speechless

ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ said...

the original question you posed was: is it possible to become friends just because you meet in parties? and i think what i was trying to say is that capitalism has stripped the "fated community" aspect of having fate decide who is your friends, etc., and now like currency, floats. this produces a little bit of schizophrenic dissociation because we have not really developed cultural adaptations to knowing what someone's purpose is in our life... (we haven't developed that really in a fated community either but survival usually trumps the issue altogether)...

Galen said...

Pardon me if I was mistaken, but while cleaning the dishes, I was able to talk to your partner (tama ba?) and somehow, that brief moment of connection made me feel somehow re-connected to you.

kiel estrella said...

@ lof - right. (this is me pretending i understood)

@ galen - i think so. and we had a short chat in the corridor while smoking. good to reconnect mr. galen.

Jots Jots said...

and so the sweet guy comments. Thanks. I really did. Didn't know you, you were in a band? that explains how you dress up. hahahah

kiel estrella said...

@ jots jots - so you found me, huh? thanks for the comment. question is, are you really a sweet guy? ok, so you missed me - is that because of the way i dress up?! haha.

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