most people party with friends.
but is it possible to become friends just because you meet in parties?
last weekend G (yet again) threw one of his fab gay parties. and like many of his parties before, it was filled with wonderful, interesting and beautiful people.
as i mingled with the guests i realised that there was a set of people without whom the party would not be complete. a set of 'usual suspects' if you like. many of these usual suspects i have spent some time talking to while dancing, while posing for a picture, while smoking in the corridor. and it dawned on me that i know some really intimate details about many of them - their insecurities, lost and secret loves, relationship neuroses, HIV status - the list goes on.
and yet despite this seeming intimacy, i doubt whether they will call on me if any of them is in trouble. more telling, i know i wouldn't.
at this point you might be asking, what is the point?
to tell you the truth, i really don't know. except that i don't usually want to know about someone else's life unless i'm intending to be part of it. and the unfamiliar situation makes me feel - phony.
my friend id with the usual brand of merciless wisdom tells me (and i am paraphrasing here) - 'friendship taxes our time, our emotions, our life. we can only really have a finite amount of these to give. ergo, a finite amount of friends.'
is this true? have i reached my share of friends that i have been rendered friendship-challenged?
that party, j (a cute and unavailable guy) told me in front of his bf, 'i missed you.' i rolled my eyes thinking we only really met 2 times before - all in a party setting. he's really sweet. but 'miss'? really? so i said with the sweetest smile i can muster, 'i didn't.'
OK - bitch, maybe. but not a phony.
maybe i cannot invest as much to new friends as i usually do to old friends. but maybe this is OK. after all, dancing and drinking and dressing up are all like pizza. with good friends they're fantastic. with others, less so - but pretty damn good nonetheless.