Thursday, October 30, 2008

man of the moon



“i don’t think i can be your boyfriend. but that does not mean i don’t love you.”

so said tong to mew in the last scenes of the movie ‘love of siam’.

last wednesday jp and i met in gay-teway to catch the last day of cinemanila. we wanted to catch this movie. i’ll leave the reviewing to the critics. let me just say, it proved to be a good move since it was a beautiful film.



after the movie, jp and i had dinner (he had a craving for sisig) and i told him that the line above caused me to pause because this was almost exactly the same line my now good friend j said to me when i proposed to him years ago.

why did i propose to him? the story is quite simple. we were student activists together. we became friends. we spent time together. we started being physical. not in a sexual way. just in a slightly more- -than-buddies way. i was gullible. i fell for him. i proposed the same day he committed to a relationship to a girl.

on the night i proposed, he asked me, “why now?

i answered, “you’re with m (this girl), would it have mattered?

he paused and quietly said, “it might have. i don’t know.” and we were silent for a long time.

but that was years ago. his girl m is now closer to me than j is. actually since then, i became their marriage counsellor. m runs to me whenever they have difficulties and so does j. they both have acted as life rafts, keeping me afloat in the many times i feel like i’m sinking. we also have celebrated life’s little victories. we are witnesses to each others’ lives.

to tell you the truth, it was m who told me that j still loves me up to now. in one drinking session with m’s lesbian friends, someone commented that it seems hard to believe that men – being what they are - can love each other. to which j replied, ‘it is not hard to believe. i love kiel. and he loves me.’ or something to that effect. the details are not clear because i was a little uncomfortable listening to a wife, telling me her husband acknowledges his love for me in front of her friends. no matter how close we are. seriously.

the happy thing is we belong to a group of friends (that includes gibo) – a gang - who are more family than friends. being a group that verges on intellectual snobbery, we joke all the time that j is only intelligent when there’s a full moon.

he may not be intelligent. but j has taught me a very important thing:

that love is not always as it is cut out to be. and because it breaks out of the mould, it doesn’t make it less of a love.

tomorrow, j is celebrating his birthday. jp and i are going.

and since i realise i don’t appreciate him enough. this post is just to thank him for the person that he is. for his friendship. for his love.

my deepest gratitude, my man of the moon.

31 comments:

kawadjan said...

awww... lovely post, as always. indeed, love comes in many ways and forms, and sometimes it does not favor us. keri lang, at least it helps us broaden our definition of love.

blagadag said...

You have a very interesting circle of friends or gang. You should rejuvenate your love to j so this would not fall out.

jericho said...

ohhhhhhh. do i know j? i think i do but i do not want to assume. and if he is the j i know, true he's a nice guy. and so is m (of course she's not a guy). sabihin mo kay j happy birthday mula sa dati nyang empleyado. (kung sya nga ito ha). kung hindi naman, happy birthday pa rin sa kanya.

mrs.j said...

mhmmm dahil dyan napadownload ako ng bonga! hay

The Handyman said...

very nice, tinamaan ako... i was in the same situation as you, only when he got married, he moved to japan... i don't care about the title-- bf/gf, mrs, as long as there is love.

Mugen said...

Makes me wonder how does my straight friends feel when at one time of our lives, I treated them more than a friend, more than a brother, but less of a boyfriend?

kiel said...

@ kawadjan - salamat. kering-keri talaga.

@ blagadag - i promise i'll try/

@ jericho - i think you do. you definitely know m.

@ mrs. j - super download na tapos pagkatapos share mo sa akin, huh?

@ handyman - i agree. and it doesn't matter as much that it didn't last. as long as it was there.

@ mugen - why wonder? ask them while you have the time. you might be surprised...

id said...

i didn't know love has a "mould"

kiel said...

@ id - you have to be in a position where your love is considered taboo or immoral to realise that love does, indeed, have a mould. ganun.

Mr. Scheez said...

To other people, yes love does have a mould. Personally, I think dapat wala. =)

ram said...

very touching. parang mas bagay talaga kayo ni j.... or maybe the next post should be 3some na.

The Zen Bitch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Zen Bitch said...

hmn, before anything else, bayaan mo munang pakawalan ko ang isang buntung-hininga... once more you have shown me how romantic you are... this is a very touching (and well-written) story... may halong inggit ito kasi matagal-tagal na rin akong di nakakaramdam ng ganitong bittersweet things... not that i miss them.. am merely stating a fact... uy, defensive daw aketch!

Princhecha Fiona said...

"...but that does not mean i don’t love you..." aray naman. parang nasabihan ako neto ah. hihihi. hay, love.

pero, awwwwww, super touching post.
:)

kiel said...

@ mr. scheez - dapat wala talaga.

@ ram - hoy! kayo ang bagay ni j. you know this like it was written in the stars.

@ zen bitch - keri lang naman ang romantic na bitch pa rin, diba?

@ fiona - mabyuti naman at na-touch ka. sino itong nagsabi sa iyo nito? kwento...

Blogger 8508.0531 said...

hi. I came by way of another person's blog. (He's your friend, too.)

i'm interested in this contention about love having a mold. i dunno where i stand, at this point. but thank you, for the thoughts you start in me.

...and about the story -- touching. i just wished circumstances were a bit more... er, to your favor.

cheers.

oh. erik. my name, i mean.

kiel said...

@ erik - i think i wasn't very clear in my post but things ARE in my favour. kasi love or no love J is still (self-defined as) straight. it would have been very complicated. plus we are better off as friends.

still - thanks for the kind words and i hope you visit regularly.

Blogger 8508.0531 said...

yes. of course.

it's just that -- i meant -- never mind.

ahahaha.

thanks. now i feel welcome to read. (i do this a lot. lurk and read other people's blogs. i rarely comment, though. ahahahaha.)

*bookmarks the blog*

...plus we are better off as friends.

wow. so unselfish. ahahaha.

...and terribly sweet. =)

joaqui_miguel said...

It makes me look into my own life and see if a have a "j" or a "tong" in my life... Hmmm.

This entry is light yet very nice. :)

kiel said...

@ erik - the inside story is j is a better friend than husband! hahahaha. (if he reads this, i love you j! wag ka mapikon...)

@ joaqui miguel - i'm sure there is/are. you just have to look closely. thanks for dropping by and hope to see you again here.

yoshke said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaw. beautiful, beautiful post. kinilig ako ng bonggang bongga at bihira lang ako kiligin ha kaya matouch ka na kinilig ako. haha. joke lang.

nakakatuwa naman. anlakas tumama ah.

kiel said...

@ yoshke - mabuti naman kasi kinilig din ako nung nireview ko blog hotties mo. i love oli. and, btw, unang naging akin si christian bale... why so serious?

mel beckham said...

Pag sumakit bigla ang dibdib ko while binabasa ang post na 'to, does that mean I'm affected? Charing! Pero masakit ha. I hate love talaga. So much.

Anonymous said...

hi kiel...

I stumbled upon your post thru Latresestrellas and i was smitten...

Just wanted to drop a line saying your input is well appreciated by this reader..

Maui

kiel said...

@ mel - baka kaya masyado lang masikip ang corset mo kaya sumakit ang dibdib mo? how can you hate love when you are so love-able? hahaha

@ maui - thanks for visiting and the kind words. hope to see you here again soon.

Robb said...

luv it. thanks for posting.

kiel said...

@ robb - glad you liked it, thanks!

cherry said...

my, my. you really do have this strange relationship with almost all the men in life. ha ha. nice to know j loves you. =)

kiel said...

@ cherry - don't worry, papa romil only remembers me by waldo! so the most important man in your life is impervious to my charms...

fuchsiaboy said...

sigh.

id rather have the friendship & the love than not have at all.

makes life worth living and makes you more human. makes you realize that something so good like the kind of relationship you have comforts you in times when all the things in the world seems tainted with malice. there's purity to that kind of love.


p.s.
yung picture na nilagay mo it reminded me of teddy casino jr. that's the name that popped into my mind.

kiel said...

@ don - it's not teddy, though he's a good friend of both me and j and gibo. besides, i don't fancy being a congressional semi-spouse. hahaha.

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